Mae's guide to the self ship community


an incomplete compendium of terms and etiquette
(please note I am a humble soot sprite and this is all written within the limits of my own research)

Common terms

self-insert:
1. verb the act of inserting oneself or a stand-in original character meant to represent the self into a piece of established media, often but not exclusively with the intent to pursue a relationship with one (or several) characters within said media.
2. noun the drawn or written representation of the self inserter (whether meant to represent their true self, a mildly-altered version, or an OC). A 'sona'. In Japanese circles, this is typically referred to as a 夢主 (yumeshu/yumenushi, 'dream master'). The male term for this is 男主 (male master) or 夢ヒーロー (dream hero). The female term is 女主 (female master) or 夢ヒロイン.
self-ship:
1. verb the act of shipping oneself with a fictional character, similar to a canon x canon pairing. may be romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise in nature.
2. noun a neutral term for a ship one might have.
self-shipper:
1. noun someone who engages in shipping themselves (or a self-representing OC) with a fictional character, whether romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise in nature.
double(s):
1. noun a term for a person (or people) who has the same romantic f/o as another.
sharing NG:
"sharing no good". a phrase that, when paired together, is used to denote not wanting to associate with doubles whatsoever.

夢女子/yumejoshi (dream girl):
1. noun a Japanese-originated term for a female or fem-aligned person who ships herself with a fictional character. An umbrella term that covers self inserts, original characters, reader insert, and reader insert content that may be romantic or platonic in nature. The male/masc-aligned term is 'yumedanshi' (dream boy). Note: Western-based communities have also developed the neutral term 'yumejin,' although a more accurate pronunciation is 'yumebito' or 'yumehito' (dream person). A neutral catchall for anyone who engages in the practice is 夢/'yume'. Other terms include 'ドリーマー’ (dreamer) and 夢者 (musha).
comfort character:
1. noun a term for a character that brings a person comfort without the use of a self-insert. as such, this is not always exclusive to self-shipping, nor is it inherently romantic in nature. many outside of the self-insert/self-shipping community have comfort characters, and many within the community have comfort characters that they do not form a ship of any kind with.
fictional other (f/o):
1. noun a term for the fictional character a self-shipper ships with. while 'f/o' is often used for romantic or romantic-adjacent ships, this isn't always the case as many use the term for platonic, familial, and other dynamics as well.

JP-Specific Sharing (doutan/同担) Terms:

同担歓迎 (doutan kangei):
"sharing welcome". the yume will happily interact with others who pursue the same character!
同担拒否 (doutan kyohi):
"refusal to share". this applies to fans as well as yume. in this case, the account owner has no wish to interact with others who pursue the same character, even among friends.
親輪外同担拒否 (shinringai doutan kyohi):
"refusal to share outside of friends". similar to the conditional type, this yume has conditional rules for sharing among close friends, but does not wish to share outside of their own circle.

条件発動型同担拒否 (jouken hatsudou-gata doutan kyohi):
"conditional-type refusal to share". a complex and individual type of boundary; the yume may feel comfortable interacting with those who pursue the same character under most circumstances but then dislike it under others, or they were once comfortable sharing and aren't any longer.

A Breakdown of Sharing/Doubles Etiquette

One of the most important communication tools within the self shipping and yume communities is boundaries for sharing! Sadly, it's also one of the most misunderstood and can often be a point of contention when people do not make their boundaries clear, refuse to accept someone else's boundaries, or at worst, harass and attack others who share an f/o. This guide aims to help clarify terms and the different styles of sharing boundaries that exist for ease of intra-community communication.Sharing is the act of associating with other self shippers/yumes who have the same f/o (also known as 'doubles'). It exists on a spectrum where one might feel entirely comfortable speaking with others who have the same f/o about their relationships, might not want to see or talk about it all, and everything in between. Some people prefer to share only with close friends or those they already know, some may feel okay only on a case by case basis. Some may even change over time in either direction. It's largely up to the individual to decide for themselves and set their boundaries accordingly.Why Some People Love Sharing:
- Group gushing! Familiarity with the same media + character(s) can lead to bouncing ideas around more easily. Sharing excitement is also a fun bonding experience.
- They enjoy seeing the different ways the same character can be loved and the creative directions people take with their own ships in that regard, the variety of lenses that many people can view the same character through.
- They love seeing their f/o(s) be praised and admired and loved by many people.
- They can easily share media resources such as fan art, written works, or canon material in group settings to the benefit of multiple people.
Why Some People Dislike Sharing:
- They've had bad experiences with doubles in the past and wish to avoid it in the future.
- Self shipping/yume is a coping/comfort tool for them and sharing triggers anxiety or other negative reactions that they'd rather not deal with. For example, they might deal with feelings of insecurity or discomfort around relationship exclusivity and wish to form a comfortable space in which to safely engage with a fantasy where they cannot be hurt (ie some people have been cheated on or harmed in IRL relationships and wish for a environment safe for healing purposes).
- They view their ship as a dedicated relationship and don't wish to see their partner engaging with others in a romantic light.
- They are worried about doubles feeling insecure in comparison, competitive, or even adopting ideas they've developed around their ship for themselves (ie taking unique/important imagery, dates, concepts, etc when it's already been made clear it's a personal thing). They might also be concerned about doubles inserting themselves into the content they create for their own ship, whether art, written works, or otherwise.

Dislike Sharing? How to Set Boundaries:
- make sure to clarify in a bio, carrd, pinned tweet, or another easily-accessible part of your profile so others know your limits!
- take note of words or accounts that are likely to upset you and mute or block accordingly. you should curate your own space!
- if you encounter doubles within your own friend/mutual circle, politely ask if they and your friends can tag it with something you can mute for your comfort.
- limit your exposure to tags or online places where you're likely to find upsetting content. do not seek out people or content that will hurt you!
- if your boundaries are more complex than that, make sure to clearly communicate them within your circles. honesty, kindness, and clarity are always better than quiet resentment and discomfort.
How to Accomodate Boundaries if You Don't Mind Sharing:
- if someone has "doubles DNI/do not interact" or another no-sharing determiner in their bio and you are a double, respect their wishes and don't pursue interacting with them.
- if you're unsure about someone's boundaries, ask about their comfort levels! don't assume! open communication can solve most misunderstandings, and people will appreciate your consideration. everyone has different needs.
- likewise, don't assume that someone who dislikes sharing and has blocked you if you're a double has a personal hatred for you. most just want to exist in their own space comfortably and mean you no harm.
- if you feel that you won't be able to safely accommodate someone's boundaries or that they're too extreme for you, that's also entirely fine! in that case, it's best to step away to avoid conflict. if they are a friend of yours, it would also be courteous (although not entirely necessary) to politely let them know.
NOTE:
under NO circumstances is it ever okay to attempt getting a double to stop shipping with your f/o, nor is it okay to attempt to bar others from shipping those people (either by drawing ship art of them or writing fic for them, etc). no one owns a fictional character. the only thing you are allowed to control is yourself and who you surround yourself with. do not try to manipulate others into stopping, do not harass or bully them, do not stalk them. it's okay to ask for whatever boundaries you need for your own safety, but you have to be understanding that not everyone will feel comfortable complying with those boundaries and either go your separate ways or work something else out. attempting to harm others and deny them their own happiness is completely unacceptable.
likewise, if someone is uncomfortable sharing, do not attempt to manipulate them to change their boundaries for your sake. it is equally unacceptable to harass and obsess over someone who only wishes to mind their own space, and being muted or blocked is not a personal attack, nor is it stopping you from enjoying your f/o on your own terms.

Canon Pairings
as a final note, many self shippers and yumes also might not feel comfortable seeing their f/o paired with canon characters, especially if that character is a canonical love interest. everyone handles this a different way, so make sure to ask your friends what their boundaries are so you can work something out together!